That Was Enough
by Morningstar-Winchester
Summary: Just reflecting on the two "Benjamin's" in Dean's life and how they both helped him in their own different ways.


Dean met Ben first. Pretty cool kid, am I right? The first words Dean had heard out of his mouth were _"AC/DC rules!"_ And hell yeah, Dean definitely had to agree. He had to admit he was taken to the kid after that. And honestly he's still pretty convince Ben is his son. The signs are all there. I mean, nobody can tell for sure, and Dean knows he'll never really, _really_ know for certain, but still. After Sam fell - _Jumped_ , sorry, - Into the pit with Lucifer possessing him and Michael/Adam following suit, Dean really felt like he had nobody. He could've had Cas, though. Could have had Bobby. But the truth was, he'd made a promise to his brother, and damn if he wasn't going to keep it. That was the thing about Dean Winchester. He didn't always keep his promises, but he knew which ones to make and which ones not to. This was one he had to make. So he did. He'd showed up, scared, lonely, desperate on Lisa's front porch, his brother gone, thousands of thoughts racing through his head that he just _did not want to live anymore._

But he had to, didn't he? So he'd begged - Dean Winchester had never begged for anything in his life, but he fucking _begged_ that night. And Lisa let him stay. He didn't know why. He was a mess. A serious mess. A mess he had to clean up by himself. No Sammy, no Castiel, no Bobby. Just Lisa and Ben.

And somehow, Dean didn't know how, but _somehow_ that was enough. In some ways, Ben reminded him of Sam. Occasionally, he'd say something, give him some look, or _something_ and Dean's thoughts would instantly snap back to Sam.

Because why the hell not? His heart was broken anyway, why not smash it into little tiny pieces and then set those pieces on fire, eh?

Dean didn't know how he managed to just up-and-leave Lisa and Ben like that. He didn't want to. God, he didn't want to. But Lisa told him to. And, Sam... Sam...

Sam was back. And that was what he wanted, right? Yes. Yes, that was what he wanted, dammit. He wanted his brother, more than anything. But what about Lisa, the only woman in the world he'd ever really, _truly_ had feelings for? And what about Ben, the boy he saw as a son? Hell, the boy who probably _was_ his son? What about them?

It was such a hard decision to make. But eventually he made it. Why not have both?

Should've known that wouldn't work out.

Dean still berated himself for being so stupid. He shouldn't have dragged Lisa and Ben into it. He should've noticed something was wrong with Sam. There were a thousand _should've_ 's, but there's no time for those right now. He couldn't go back. Couldn't change anything.

But he didn't have to. Ben and Lisa didn't remember.

Oh, but Dean did. Dean remembered.

And now for the _other_ Benjamin in his life - Benny Lafitte. How the hell Dean could befriend a vampire, not even he had a clue. But he did. Somehow. And man, Benny turned out to be one of the few people he could rely on. More than Cas. More than Bobby. Hell, maybe even more than Sam sometimes. When Cas disappeared in Purgatory and Dean was left on his own, he'd honestly almost given up the fight. That other vampire had had him pinned, and Dean was just waiting, wanting to stop struggling and get it over with.

And then the vampire's fucking head is disconnected from it's body and before Dean knows it he's upright, staring into the face of the only monster in the world he'd ever remotely like. Of course they started out wary of eachother, but Dean had to admit, there was something about the vampire that he liked. And then when Benny met Castiel...

 _"Why'd you bail on Dean?"_

Confusion - Why the hell would Benny care? The vampire just wanted him as a taxi out of Purgatory. That was it. Right?

 _"The way I hear it... You two hit monster land and hot-wings here.. Took off. I figure he owes you some backstory."_

That's when Dean realized for the first time maybe Benny did care. Even just a little. Still hard to wrap his head around, though. I mean... A vampire befriending a hunter?

Especially when that hunter just happens to be _Dean Winchester_ of all people?

It was weird, man, really weird. And it only got weirder. Because Dean began to realize he could rely on Benny, and Benny began to realize he could rely on Dean. The whole vampire-hunter thing didn't seem to matter. Dean was on-call whenever Benny needed anything, and Benny was there whenever Dean needed something. And having to kill him?

Hardest thing Dean had _ever_ done. Even if Benny insisted. Even if it was to save Sam. Even if Dean had expected Benny to return with his brother. He had to kill the one person he could really, truly rely on. Or at least that's how it felt. Sam's his brother and he loves the kid to death but Benny... Benny was different.

And now Benny's gone.

But it's okay, because Dean has Sam, right? He'd always have Sam. Or at least, he _hoped_ so. Sam hasn't really ever let him down. Dean knew he could rely on his brother. Because they were family. Blood. They had a bond since they were little that still had yet to be broken.

But still...

It was nice to, for once, be able to rely on someone that wasn't Sam. To just know he had that. That someone cared enough. Someone who wasn't blood related, someone he hadn't grown up with, someone he'd met in some random place at some random time, who somehow still cared enough about him to let him know he had someone other than his brother to rely on.

And... Maybe that was enough.


End file.
